what is power

Power” is a powerful word.

When I see it written or say it I notice the effect on me. The first thing I notice is feeling slightly intimidated, a contraction in my solar plexus. Why?

Perhaps there are so many associations in my mind of abuse of power, of all the systems in the world which hold onto power, of all the circumstances in which my power has been taken, snatched or trampled on?

Recently I was working with another consultant who asked us to think of a powerful person. What flashed into my mind was not Nelson Mandela, or Martin Luther King – not one  woman came to mind. But Sadaam Hussein loomed large, dwarfing all the other potential candidates. Perhaps it is hardly surprising since I am daughter of a dominant father who abused his power somewhat, and thus I spent large portions of my life feeling impotent. Having railed against him for many years, and arrived finaly at a place of forgiveness, I wonder what my life might have been if I had had a meek father? Would I be doing the work I am doing now?

And  I use the word “power” a lot to describe my work – that seems to me a good use of the word, it has a soft feel. And many participants of my programmes too use it to describe their experiences.

And so many of us want more power. We chase after money because ut will give us more power or high position so that we will win respect. We want to experience ourselves as powerful beings which is hard when the world around us is intent on taking it away from us, or we are locked in power struggles with other people. Maybe we are even taking power from others without knowing it? Maybe there are people that find us overpowering and so give their power to us.

Power is a dance, constantly shifting.

It is quite interesting that the most powerful person in the room often is not aware of it. Recently in an Amazon Power workshop we were exploring masculine power and the participants competed for that position in a way that is pretty characteristic of most power games – and yet in the onlookers’ eyes,  it was not the one who claimed the power who had it, but the woman who for most of the scene had felt the most impotent.

Maybe we often have power when we think we don’t? Maybe we miss out on opportunities to express our power because we are afraid of losing face, or that we won’t be listened to?

 My definition of a truly powerful person is one who empowers and inspires others. It is one who is not motivated by ego, and has succeeded to put their ego aside for the greater good of the whole – of something bigger than themselves. It is one who is able to stand in their true magnificence because their magnificence serves and inspires others to claim their own magnificence.

If someone needs to score points off you, dominate you, put you down, or impose their will on you can be sure that they are not experiencing themselves as powerful. They are in most cases motivated by fear. They have to hold the dominant position, because they are scared stiff of the consequences if they should lose that control. They may have to face the truth about how powerless they really feel. They have had no experience of being met as equals and they have developed exceptional manipulative skills as a means of protecting themselves from ever facing this truth.

It really is up to you how you respond to their game. If it is at all possible stay away from them and if you cannot, then get yourself some tools to hold a still core of your own powerful essence.

To my mind this can only happen when there is a healthy balance of masculine and feminine. Both men and women have different balances of masculine and feminine attributes and so in some cases the masculine side needs strengthening, and in others the feminine side.

Research shows that as women lead more from their feminine side they

• are more effective
• more in touch with their intuitive side,
• more open to synchronicity and as a result 100% more successful.
• feel more in tune with who they truly are and as a result happier.

It is my hunch that all this is true for men too.